My hand turned me down
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
