I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
