Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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