i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
