she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize