My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
