I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
