the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
