You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
