what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did i just pee glitter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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