I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
