I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
