If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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