the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
