Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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