I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize