Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
