Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
