My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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