pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize