never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
