We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize