Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
