i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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