you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
