i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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