i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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