found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
