Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
