just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
