Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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