yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
