after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
