Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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