Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
