He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
