did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i barfeds in our rink
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
