So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They took my balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
