having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
