I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
