You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
