I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
