I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
