We won't sleep together?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
