can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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