I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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