walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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