I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
