I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He better not be in your backpack
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
