its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
