Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
