i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
