Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
