I got chris browned last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
