butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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