Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
