you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize