If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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