I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
