If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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