Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
