I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
