i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
