I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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