Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
