looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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