Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
