there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
