I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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