took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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