i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
