ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
