dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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