So drunk its hurt
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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