Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
