hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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